Opinions Matter with Adrian & Jeremy

00:00 It's Ireland's most talked about podcast. The only podcast with live callers and live debates. It's Opinions Matter with Adrian and Katie. 00:12 You're very welcome to this latest Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian and Katie recorded live at our studio at the White Sands Hotel in Port Marnock in North County, Dublin. If you are in this neck of the woods, why not swing by the White Sands Hotel? The Oasis Bar and Grill below our studio here is well worth a visit. Great food, great atmosphere, great staff as well. 00:35 Really are. Rob and all the staff in the Oasis Bar and Grill. Just tell them, Adrian and Jeremy and Casey told you to pop in. And then you might get barred, but then don't worry about it. Anyway, welcome to Opinions Matter. We got a message over the weekend. In fact, late last week. from one of our listeners that we're calling Denise. Now, Denise isn't actually her name. We're going to be talking to Denise in a moment, and we have disguised her voice, and it'll all make perfect sense why we have disguised her voice when you hear the story that she has to tell. 01:08 um i'll paraphrase this story uh katie well you you know the story obviously but i'll paraphrase the story um denise is with her uh boyfriend a couple of months five six months and they're talking about maybe moving in together and they had a you know a heart-to-heart of the weekend we need to progress our relationship now next stage is moving in together see how that goes and And he more or less said, yeah, that's fine by me. I'm up for that. 01:40 Except I'm a homosexual. Well, no, that's not what he said. 01:44 That's not what he said. 01:46 He said, I need to tell you something before we make that commitment. And if I really want to make that commitment, I really want to move our relationship to the next level. Yeah. But I'm a homosexual. No, that's not what he said. Stop reading something into something he didn't say. What he said was, and we're going to be talking to Denise in a second. What he said was he wanted to come clean. He wanted to own something that he had done in his past that she doesn't know about, but he feels she needs to know about it before they move their relationship on. 02:18 Okay. Okay. So basically, what he admitted to her late last week was that he had a one-off, one-night gay fling with one of his mates. 02:33 He's a homosexual. 02:34 That's not what he said. That's not what she's saying either, believe it or not. He had a one-night gay fling with one of his mates. 02:43 I haven't actually got to hear this interview. I asked you to send it to me on Saturday night after you recorded and you didn't. And I tried to ring you twice about it. 02:49 Okay, so I actually spoke to... This lady, Denise, on Saturday evening, I recorded the interview at home. 02:56 And the reason I did is she went on holidays yesterday. So she's actually out of the country today. 03:03 And interestingly, she's not on a holiday with him. 03:07 She already had a prearranged holiday with one of her relatives, her sister or cousin or whatever. I don't know exactly who she's gone away with, but she's gone away. And that's why we recorded the interview on Saturday evening. Anyhow, blah, blah, blah. 03:19 Denise's fella told her on Saturday or late last week. I recorded the interview on Saturday that he was at a stag, got a bit drunk. Him and his mate were sharing an Airbnb and one thing led to the other. And they ended up with each other. As you do. What do you mean? 03:36 As every straight man does at some time in his life. 03:39 Stop being so sarcastic. He admitted that he had done something that she needs to know about. Now, my heart tells me, fair play to him, that's a decent bloke. He's come clean. He's putting his cards on the table and he's saying, this is me. This is what I've done. It was a one-off. I'm not gay. And she actually believes that he's not gay. 04:02 Okay, tell me something. You've obviously been in the company of a lot of men. 04:05 Obviously, yeah. 04:06 You've obviously probably stayed in rooms with men. 04:10 Yeah, on occasion, yeah. 04:11 Have you ever found yourself having sex with said men? 04:14 No, not today. Not today, no. Oh. Well, never say never. Never say never. 04:19 Well, there's my podcast liner for the day. Adrian Kennedy admits to being gay live on air. 04:23 No, that's not what I'm saying. No, no, I never have. 04:27 But the point I'm trying to make is here's a guy. They're on the piss. They end up in a room together and they... Basically decided to experiment with each other. 04:36 Look, fair play to him for telling the truth. 04:37 That's exactly my point. No, no, no, no. That's the end of the conversation. 04:40 Well, no, not really. Fair play to him for telling the truth. But I think he needs to face facts that if he's not gay, he is at least bisexual. 04:48 No, he dabbled once. 04:51 Dabbled. Dabbled. 04:53 Okay, I'll give you an example. When I was younger, I smoked one or two joints. I dabbled. 04:59 Oh, don't, don't compare smoking a joint to having sex with someone. 05:02 Well, I am, I actually am. Come on. 05:04 So I'm not a drug user. 05:06 I smoked a couple of joints when I was younger. 05:09 Does that make me a... That's a ridiculous comparison. Everybody can... A stoner? No, it doesn't. No, that's a total... 05:15 It's not really. 05:16 I experimented with it. I experimented with it. I didn't like it. It didn't work for me. I moved on. I was able to leave it in the past. 05:26 To get to that point with somebody, you obviously have to have some level of attraction to them. I would think anyway, I wouldn't be able to be with somebody I wasn't attracted to. Which means, I would assume that it's the same for other people, I'd like to think so. 05:37 Well, let me turn this on its head then. Okay, turn it on its head. And a bloke finds out from his girlfriend, in the exact same scenario, we're thinking of moving in together, but look, I've something to tell you. 05:47 By the way, as Martin says, you don't need a hard-on smoke a joint. 05:51 You don't need a hard-on... 05:53 Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, no, I take it. Has a point. Anyway, sorry, if this was a complete role reversal and it was her telling him that she had been with a woman on a drunken hen night in wherever and they ended up sharing a bed together and... 06:11 gay herself but it's probably because it's a turn on for men I would think that's my point I would think that most women don't find that a turn on maybe some women are neutral about it but I don't think any woman would find that attractive I wouldn't find that attractive that would be a no for me okay so again turning it on its head and by the way most men if they found out that I just want to preface this by saying this isn't an anti-gay topic this is not about the topic of people being gay this is more about sexual preferences within a relationship where one member is possibly bisexual or gay but 06:40 But again, I'm asking a question. If it were reversed, nobody or no bloke is probably going to have an issue with his girlfriend having been with another woman in the past. 06:50 Because they find it a turn on. Yeah. 06:52 So why don't women find it a turn on? 06:54 I don't know. 06:55 You're obviously not all women, but maybe there are women that do find it a turn on. 07:00 I will... 07:01 If one woman genuinely rings in today and says... That wouldn't bother me at all. 07:07 I'd find it a bit of a turn on. 07:08 No, that she would find it sexy. Not that it wouldn't bother her, that she'd find it sexy and actually more endearing. I won't get paid for today. I won't invoice for today. 07:17 Okay. 07:17 There's a challenge for you. 07:19 And please don't do it just to fuck me up, lads. 07:22 Our number is 085-825-2626. What's the question? 07:25 The question is, would it bother you? 07:27 The question is, would it bother you if you found out that your fella had been with another guy before you met? Now, this is important as well. 07:37 This wasn't an affair. This wasn't a fling while they were in the relationship together. This was before they met. He had a fling with... 07:46 With the guy. A one-night thing. I'm sure they probably woke up the next morning and go, oh, that's a bit awkward. Totes ox. Let's move on, lads. 07:52 Look, every woman's different. For a lot of women, maybe even most women, it might not be a problem. But for me, it would be. I like, you know, I'm single. If I met someone now and you turn around to me and said, you know, I've had sexual relations with a man, it would. Hang on. 08:05 There's a difference between sexual relations. I had a one-off thing. It doesn't matter. 08:09 Sex is sex. Whether you did it once or did it a hundred times, you still did it. Yeah. It would be a nick for me. 08:16 I like a man to be very manly. 08:18 Yeah. 08:18 And that to me would not, in my eyes, and this is not a slander on gay people. I don't give a shit what anybody wants to do with who. But it would become my business if I were ultimately seeing somebody then who was involved romantically with someone of the same sex. 08:29 But we're not talking about romantic involvement. We're talking about sexual involvement. We're talking about a one night stand. A one off thing. 08:36 You're going to hear her interview in a second. He basically said I'm not gay and she believes him. She believes he's not gay. 08:43 I would bet i would bet and i i think that most women listening now would think picturing their sexual partner or whatever with another man i would imagine that would probably for most people again i'm gonna ask why is it not the same when roles are reversed why do men not find it so the male psyche and the female psyche are so very very different why is lesbian porn the most watched pornography Who knows? Who knows? But I know that for women, I don't think we will find a woman today. And also, by the way, you don't have sex with somebody you're not attracted to. 09:17 To even get to that stage, there has to be a level of attraction. There has to be. You just don't just randomly say... Just horny. 09:24 Even at that, you still would want a level of attraction to even go there. Like, it's... 09:31 I just don't buy it. I don't think it was just dabbling. I think there's more to it than that. I think the fact that he even told her about it would say to me that there's more to it. 09:39 Let me read Mark's message just finally before we start taking calls on this. So men are just more accepting and less homophobic than women. 09:48 It's not a homophobic thing. 09:49 As men will be more okay with a woman having this past, but women seem disgusted. 09:55 it's not I'm not I wouldn't be disgusted by it I wouldn't turn my stomach around and it would just be a no no for me I'm sorry I want my man to be a man be really manly and that the thought of that happening is it would give me the heck. He's just experimenting. The one-off thing. But you can't, you don't just experiment with sex unless there's something there underneath it. There's something bubbling underneath that made him want to do it. 10:21 Yeah, he was a bit drunk and they're good mates. 10:24 Come on. 10:25 So you've been drunk around men plenty in your life. Have you ever thought, jeez, I think I'll have sex with you for the crack? 10:31 No, no, I haven't. No. Never say never. That's exactly my point. No, no. He's a Kennedy. No, all I'm trying to say is don't be so judgmental. 10:41 It's not judgmental. Shit happens. It's not judgmental, but I think it's up to this woman herself if she wants to continue the relationship. If it's enough to be an issue for her, then it's her right to walk away. I would. I would walk away. It wouldn't be for me. 10:55 Okay, we'd like to hear from you. Our number is 085-825-2626. Would you feel this... Well, actually, this lady, and you're going to hear her now in a second, she's not overly... She's confused. She doesn't really know what to do here. Let me bring in Darren on this. 11:15 Even if my friend was Enrique Iglesias, the thoughts of writing him would make me get sick. 11:22 He is gay. It's as simple as that. 11:25 Opinions Matter. Opinions Matter. With Adrian Kennedy and Jeremy Dixon. A daily podcast from Ireland about opinions. 11:32 Need new carpets, flooring, beds or furniture? Then head to Carpet Luxury Bedding and Furniture where great value comes as standard. Don't miss their famous 500 euro stairs and landing package deal covering up to 16 square yards of quality carpet supplied and fitted. Looking for a modern update? Check out their fantastic range of laminate flooring and vinyls available in a variety of styles to suit every home and budget. Expert advice, free measuring and years of trusted service. Carpet Luxury Bedding and Furniture has everything you need to refresh your home. Visit the showroom today or shop online at carpetluxurybeddingandfurniture.com. 12:04 Now, the lady's name is Denise. And as I said, I spoke to Denise on Saturday evening. I recorded this at home. And the reason I did is she was going on holidays yesterday and she's now away. So I interviewed her on Saturday evening. And firstly, Denise isn't her real name. Secondly, we have disguised her voice at her request because she doesn't want to be identifiable. 12:30 It's understandable. So this is Denise. And I asked her to explain to me what she had found out from her boyfriend. 12:40 well uh to be honest i'm still reeling from it uh so we were having dinner he invited me over and he was cooking for me a lovely night we're having a glass of wine and we were talking about you know we've been talking the last couple of weeks about moving in together because we're together five months nearly six months so we're at that next stage sorry i don't want to start crying now in the middle of this but he told me that he had something to tell me. Now, I thought he was going to turn around and tell me that he has kids or something, which I would have been pissed off about because he hadn't told me until now, but I would have been able to get over it. 13:15 But what he told me was that he, at the end of last year or just before we got together, that he was on a stag do in Prague and he was staying with one of his mates in an Airbnb. 13:27 And basically they were locked and one thing led to another and they ended up basically having sex and playing around. Now, he didn't get into what the playing around was. And to be honest, I was too nauseated to even ask. But I will let you read between the lines on that one. You can only imagine. 13:42 Okay, so himself and his mate, a little bit drunk, they end up fooling around with each other. 13:50 So this was before you had even met, was it? 13:55 Yeah, it was a couple of months before we met. So we met just earlier this year, around the start of the year. And it was around January, February, I can't remember exactly, but it was between five and six months ago. 14:09 But this happened before Christmas. I think it was November, he said. I wasn't, to be honest, the whole thing, like, the whole conversation is even a blur. I think I just was sitting there, like, I thought he was joking. Like, I started laughing. I was like, ah, you're so funny. And then he was like, no, I'm actually being deadly serious. 14:28 So... 14:29 I basically, I told him I need time to process this. I said, this is a lot of information to take in. So I got a taxi home because obviously I was having a glass of wine. I wasn't driving. And like, I just in the taxi the whole way home, like I was just, and the taxi driver, if he's listening, he'll know this. And I never actually got to say thank you. So if he is listening and knows he'll know that it was him, because let's face it, this doesn't happen very often. I wouldn't say anything. But I just want to say thank you because he was so lovely. He pulled over and he sat with me for a minute because I was just so, so upset. 15:00 It was just such a crazy thing to hear. I still can't believe it. 15:05 Okay, so what you heard was that your fella with one of his mates, drunk on a stag weekend, ended up fooling around in a gay way with one of his mates. 15:19 But he also told you that he regrets it And that you've nothing to worry about. 15:25 Yeah. So I asked him, I was like, are you gay or bi? I said, and he was like, no, no, I'm not bi and I'm not gay. I don't, I don't fancy men. And he, I believe him in what he's saying that he doesn't. I do believe that, but I'm still, I just can't get over that it happened. And it's, it's really, I don't know if I can move past it. Like this guy, I really like, I'm sorry. I'm going to start crying. Yeah. 15:54 Sorry, I just need a minute. 15:59 I really like this guy. As far as I was concerned, this was it. I had met my man. No more shitty first dates and kissing frogs. This was it. And now, this whole thing, I just don't know if I'll ever be able to look at him the same way. Yeah, I do love him and I care about him, but will I ever be able to be intimate with him again? I don't know. I don't think I'll be able to go over this. 16:24 He's been ringing me and texting me and he knows I'm processing it. And I've been I have been talking to him briefly, briefly, like because obviously things are a bit weird at the moment within my head. But I think like I've only spoken to one person about this. 16:38 just one person. And that's my, my sister. And she thinks that I'm making a big deal out of it. That's not like he's raped anyone or he's gone to prison for sexually assaulting someone or being a pedophile, but it doesn't matter to me. It's just like, I don't want to think of my fella, my boyfriend or the person that I potentially going to marry having had sex with another man. It's just, it's just kind of turns my stomach. If I'm honest, sorry, I'm going to start crying again, but it just turns my stomach. 17:08 So let me ask you then, you said you don't believe that he's gay. He's after coming clean and telling you what he did. Is it any of your business what he did before he actually met you? This didn't happen during your relationship. 17:23 I know it didn't happen, but it is something that ultimately does affect how I perceive him and how I look at him and how intimate I would want to be with him. 17:32 I just this this has absolutely shattered my world and I know people are probably thinking this one's over the top and people are probably listening like oh well you know he's not a paedophile and he's not a rapist but it's me that's gonna you know be intimate with this guy it's it's me that's gonna like be you know building a life for them and I don't think I can get over this I just don't think I can and I'll always be wondering even though I believe what he said that he's not gay there's a bit of me that's always gonna wonder like A tiny bit is always going to chip away at my head wondering if he is. 18:05 And I don't think I'll ever be able to go over that. So I guess what I'm wondering... I'm looking for advice, really. I don't know who else to talk to. So I'd love to get, like, people's opinions collectively. Because anyone I speak to is obviously going to know. And I don't want people to know my story. Because it's embarrassing as well. Oh, like, you know, she's having sex with a homosexual. Because that's what people will say and they'll rip the piss. And I don't want that. I want... a proper balanced conversation with people who actually can give advice, genuine advice without ridiculing me. 18:34 OK, well then finally, if you don't believe that he's gay, if you accept that he had a one night thing with him, a male friend, you say, I mean, you described it as he admitted to fooling around, but you know it was more than that. But does it really matter? Like, is your mind not just running away with itself? And maybe it was just a bit of fooling around and not much more than that. 19:00 It matters to me because I don't know if I would want to be having sex with someone who's had sex with another man. I just don't. I don't think it doesn't make it attractive. It makes it definitely icky to me. It's just gross. And I'm not anti-gay. I don't have a problem with gay people. I voted yes in the equal marriage referendum, whatever it's called. 19:19 But I just do not think that I can bring myself to have sex with someone who has done this with another man. The thought of it, honestly, every time I get the image in my head, because I know this friend, I've met this friend before. Like, you know, they don't see each other very often. So, you know, he lives like he moved to Brighton. 19:39 surprise surprise he moved to Brighton last year so they they're not around each other a whole lot and they don't see each other a whole lot but the thought of that in my head whirling around in my head the last the last week it's just honestly makes me want to throw up I've actually nearly thrown up 19:55 when I think about her alright so that's a lady called Denise and yes her voice was disguised people messaging us saying is that a bloke no it's not a bloke it's a woman whose voice was disguised and yeah so you just heard her whole story Katie I mean I think she believes that he she believes him when he says he's not gay 20:16 I think it sounds like her mind's already made up and she's probably just coming for a confirmation that she's doing the right thing by walking away. She is doing the right thing. If she's unsure, if in doubt, walk out. There's no point. 20:28 Does dabbling not say it all? It doesn't matter. It's only dabbling. He only gave it a try. I don't think. Did she say there, because she did say to me off the air, did she say that he said he regrets it? I don't know if she said it in that interview. No, I don't think so. I didn't hear that. She did say it to me. She did say it before we started recording. I thought she said it in that, but maybe she didn't. 20:50 I think she needs to walk away. I think her mind's already made up. She's never going to look at him the same way again, and I think it's something that will always be. She said it herself at the end, always will be in the back of her head. 21:01 I think most women would be, yeah, I think most women would say no. 21:04 Again, I'm going to ask the question, why is it not the same in reverse? 21:08 A straight man doesn't dabble in gay sex. A positively 100% straight man does not dabble. You could say the exact same, again Katie, you could say the exact same. Yeah, but I agree. 21:20 Most people would just say, ah, she was only dabbling around. 21:23 No, I think even with women. 21:24 You've seen girls even wearing the face off each other just to wind the lads up. 21:28 That's for attention. That's not because they want it. 21:30 But I couldn't wear the face off a guy for love nor money. You couldn't? No, no. 21:34 A few minutes ago you said you were dying to. 21:36 No, when did I say that? 21:38 He said, I can't wait to get with a boo. Five minutes ago for anyone hopping on, Adrian admitted to having gay thoughts. 21:44 He didn't. He didn't. All I said was, don't rule it out. 21:48 And I asked you, would you ever? And what did you say to me? 21:51 Keep an open mind. 21:52 No. 21:53 Never say never. 21:54 I think that for a bloke to go there, he has to have... But not for a woman. Oh, no, and for a woman, yeah. I think, yeah, especially if they're doing it on their own without it being for the benefit of anyone else. You know the way these attention seekers do. If it's been done behind closed doors, so to speak. 22:11 Sasha, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Sasha? I'm good, thank you. How are you? Good, thanks, Sasha. What did you want to say on this? Is it possible for this guy to have that one-off thing before he met Denise and leave it there? It was just an experiment and that's the end of that. 22:29 Yeah, I think it's possible. I don't see why not. If it was a woman doing that, nobody would bat an eye. 22:34 Literally nobody would bat an eyelid. In fact, if we got a message telling of a reverse role story, we probably wouldn't even talk about it because nobody would have an issue with it. Yeah, exactly. 22:47 But what Katie's been saying is she just couldn't get her head around, very like Denise, she just couldn't get her head around the thought that the fella that she's with had been with the guy before. Why do you think that women just find this much harder to cope with? 23:03 I don't know. They seem to think that it makes the man less manly or something. 23:07 And that's more or less what our Katie said. In fact, she said exactly that. 23:12 Listen, I don't even like... You said you want your man to be a man. It's a regular thing on this podcast. I don't even like men crossing their legs. I don't like men that are... Because I would consider that. And I know it's weird, but I would consider that quite effeminate. I don't like men that are... And some women are fine with it, but I don't... I like manly men. And to me, that would be... 23:31 a little bit of a... 23:33 It would. It would make me... 23:36 So your implication is to be a gay man, you can't be a manly man. There are lots of manly gays. 23:41 No, it's not that. It's not that. I know there's lots of manly gays, but I think like... Sorry, which colour is this? Sasha? Like Sasha just said. I can't explain it. It's the perception to a woman that her man is like a man's man. It's what? And the thought of your partner... 23:58 Okay, let me ask you another question, and I'm going to be quite graphic for a second, so just bear with me for one second. If you found out that your boyfriend, like in this story, six months, had a fling at a stag weekend with a woman, and he had anal sex with the woman. 24:15 It's a woman. He's being turned on by a woman. 24:17 But if he had anal sex with a man, it's an immediate no-go. 24:21 That's what you call graphic. I thought you were going to come out with some magic. The point is, it's the same act. It's the exact same act. But it's the gender. 24:30 Look, I don't have a problem with people being gay. I don't give a shit. I don't care in the slightest. But in terms of my attraction towards somebody, I'm not implying gay men aren't manly. I know there are really, really manly gay men. I know there are. But in terms of how I would perceive a partner, it would be... 24:48 It would be an ick. It would be a turn off for me. It would. And that's a personal thing. I'm trying to get my head around what the icky part is. 24:56 If he admitted that he had anal sex with a girl on a stag weekend or whatever, you wouldn't bat an eyelid. But when it becomes a guy that he's having anal sex with... Are you really making that comparison? 25:07 I am making that comparison. Are you really making that comparison? No, it's... 25:10 It's the exact same act. 25:12 The whole point here is the gender. Is it though? 25:14 I think it makes him seem more manly to be more comfortable in his sexuality to explore these things and not be homophobic towards it. Would you find it a turn on? 25:24 Well, I'm not really into men, but I don't think it would bother me. 25:28 There you go. It wouldn't bother her. Stay there for one second, Sasha, if you can, please. Our number is 085-825-2626. You can't believe what? 25:36 I'm very surprised at the amount of women who wouldn't see an issue with it. Like, I just... 25:41 It's not like he was... Okay, had he told her a story, I was in a six-month gay relationship with a bloke, then I'd say, yeah, fair enough. 25:49 Fundamentally, underneath here, I think that this person is bisexual. 25:53 Have you never heard of experimenting? Okay, but... Trying something once. 25:57 Well, we're not talking about Italian versus Chinese here. 26:00 We're talking about... No, no, no. Excuse the expression. You suck it and see. 26:04 Right? But I'm saying, how do you know unless you try something? He's tried it, wasn't really into it. 26:09 To get to that point, here's the part you're missing. To get to that point where you actually physically bring yourself to do that with someone, you have to be physically attracted. There has to be a level of attraction there. 26:19 I don't think so. Some men are able to get a hard-on no bother at anything, literally anything. And if he's at home or he's with his mates in the room and they're just a bit horny, whatever, just has happened. But you would condemn him for life now. 26:33 I think particularly whatever about women being closey and close and doing it, and I would think with women as well, obviously there's something. But I think that, I personally feel that a man who wants to have sex with another man must have some level of attraction to men to want to do that. Let's put it this way. 26:49 Actually, I don't even know how to word this. 26:52 If I was on a night out tonight and I looked at a guy and I said, oh yeah, I'd love to go home with him. Really want to go home with him. 26:57 He's lovely. 26:58 Yeah. What would that say about my feelings towards that guy? 27:01 Did you fancy them? 27:02 Yeah. 27:03 Yeah. 27:03 So to get to that point. 27:05 No, you're missing the point. These lads ended up in a room together. They're sharing an Airbnb and they were a bit drunk and they just started fooling around. That's all it was. It was experimentation. Well, let's try this. 27:16 You experiment with smoking a joint, as you said. You experiment with maybe eating Thai food or Chinese food that you would never have tried before. You don't experiment by sticking your penis into another man, I would say. 27:27 Angela, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Angela? 27:31 Hi, guys. How are you? What I'm hearing from Katie and from others is that you can't be a man and experiment with another man unless you're gay. That's really... So this guy is gay. That's it. 27:43 Did you ever... Are you there, Angela? Did you ever have sex with another man? Sorry, say that again, please. Have you ever wanted to have sex with another man? 27:51 Are you asking me that question? I'm asking you, yeah. No, not particularly. No. 27:56 But now he said he does want to. 27:57 No, I didn't... When did I say that? But what I did say was I wouldn't condemn somebody for just giving it a shot, for trying it out, for experimenting. 28:08 No, but you're saying it's experimenting. It's not. It's actually, in my opinion, it's a very intimate thing. I think it's more intimate for two men to have sex than two women. How? It's... 28:21 It's extremely intimate. Okay. There's a lot more. 28:26 Hang on, we'll accept that it's intimate. But my question is, had this guy admitted that he had had a six-month affair with his mate and they were having sex morning, noon, and night for that six months, then, yeah, this guy is gay. He didn't. And what's the difference? 28:44 What's the difference in doing it once? What's the difference in doing it one night or doing it ten times? It's like cheating. Cheating is cheating. You do it once or you do it ten times. 28:56 So you believe that this guy... What do you think of this guy? So he admits to his girlfriend... Look, this is something that happened before last Christmas, before we met. So somebody actually messaged us a while ago. It was years ago. Get over. It wasn't actually years ago. It wasn't even a year ago. It was just before last Christmas. So in the winter of 2025. And but it was a one off thing. It was before he met Denise. And my question is, can you not try something, realize it's not for you and move on with your life? 29:31 No, not when it comes to sex like that. Not when it comes to, no, no, you can't. You can't do that. 29:37 No, no, you just can't. 29:39 You have to have some kind of an attraction there. It has to be there. And in one sentence, you said that they were drunken. and horny and in the next sentence you were like oh but you know he just wanted to try it. 29:53 So a comment on Facebook a few minutes ago grabbed my attention and this person is actually on the line now he's going to talk to us in a second but his comment on Facebook was gay exploration is natural. 30:05 And is that not correct? 30:07 if you're gay. No, no. He's saying that it's a natural thing for everybody and I have to disagree. 30:12 I've never wanted to be with a woman. No, me neither. Okay, and that's fine. Because I'm straight. 30:19 Yeah, no, that's fine. But then again, we'll ask you the question, Adrian. Have you... ever wanted to explore? Because you just said it there. It's an actual thing. 30:30 No, I didn't say it. Kieran is the one who said it, but... Kieran, you agreed with him. Do I see that somebody is, after pigeonholing themselves into a box because of one night of... 30:42 But you just avoided Angela's question. Which was? You agreed with him. 30:47 I agree that there's nothing wrong with experimenting. No, I don't. No, that's not what you agreed with. 30:53 You agreed with it. You agreed that it's a natural progression exploration. 31:00 Have you ever wondered? That's what she asked you. 31:02 Have I ever wondered? Have I ever wondered? That's a good question. I probably have, yeah. Have you? Yeah, I probably have. 31:09 Well, full respect for Mitnop because Jeremy would sit there and say no even if he didn't. 31:13 Yeah, no, no, 100%. 31:15 Have I ever thought about it? Yeah, probably. But have I ever done anything about it? No. End of. Move on. Build a bridge. No? 31:22 But why haven't you done anything about it? 31:23 Because they just haven't. 31:24 Because you're not gay or bisexual or attracted to men. Correct. There! Yeah. 31:30 So you're agreeing? 31:31 It's the Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian Kennedy and Jeremy Dixon. A podcast from Ireland with a difference. 31:37 Ciarán, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Ciarán? How are you, Adrian? Good, thanks, Ciarán. You were saying... What was the point you were making? 31:45 Yeah. 31:46 A couple really, Adrian. Yeah, but the actual point you're talking about, it's perfectly natural for anyone, especially younger people, to experiment in all sorts of things. Forget sexuality. There's 101 things you experiment with. But we're talking about sexuality. Perfectly natural. Experiment it with myself. That was almost 40 years ago. Happily, I went on to become happily married, two kids, never went near it again. What's the problem? 32:14 Well, apparently it is a major problem. 32:17 No, not for me, it's not. And lots of people I know, and if people are being honest with themselves... Lots of people you know, lots of men you know are having gay sex. No, I didn't say I had gay sex. I said I experimented with homosexuality. 32:31 Okay, so your friends you're talking about, all these people you know. So this is a common thing you notice, is it? 32:40 It's a common thing I notice, that if you ask 100 people in the street, have you ever had... Are you going to gay bars? No, absolutely not. I've never been in one in my life. 32:48 No, I'm not talking about you going, like, I mean... 32:50 I ask are you going to gay bars because I don't think that it's that common. 32:54 Ask 100 people in the street. Have you ever experimented with homosexuality or lesbianism? It doesn't matter their sex. I guarantee the vast majority say yes. That could be as simple as a thought. How old were you, Kieran? How old? 33:08 I'm 56. No, at the time. 33:10 At the time, I was 17. 33:11 Okay, so you're a teenager, right? So we can make excuses for teenagers. We make allowances for teenagers because hormones... Oh, right. That's what most people discover. I think when you're younger, you're more likely to want to experiment because your hormones, everything is fun and dangerous. I'd agree with that to a point. 33:26 I'd agree with that to a point. 33:28 let's face it we've all been with like kiss someone as a teenager that later in life you look back and you're like what the fuck was I thinking or you've all done something with a teenager you look back and you think what was I thinking so we can't blame we can't do we lose that desire to experiment and see what it's like as we get older 33:44 I mean, you're saying it's okay for a 17-year-old to experiment. 33:47 No, no, I'm not saying it's okay. It's okay for anyone to experiment. There's nothing wrong with people to experiment. If you want to go out and experiment with a man tonight, that's okay. 33:54 Yeah. 33:54 That's absolutely fine. 33:55 But it doesn't necessarily make you gay, is what I'm saying. I'm not going to judge you for it. You are, but you actually are. 33:59 No, I just wouldn't find it attractive. I wouldn't sit there and be like, oh, gay Kennedy. I don't have a problem with gay people. But from a personal point of view, it would not be something I would find endearing or attractive at all. 34:09 The point that Ciarán is trying to make is that you can experiment with something and then go, this isn't for me. This is actually confirmed that I'm a straight man and now I'd move on with my life. 34:21 So just to go back to Ciarán and all the people he knows, are these people in their kind of midlife stage or were they teenagers as well? 34:28 Well, friends of mine, yeah, friends of mine would have been at the similar age. So that would back up your point. 34:32 So it was all teenagers shagging each other and playing with each other. That's par for the course with teenagers. 34:37 Not all teenagers, but I mean, how can you say it's okay for teenagers? That's when you discover where your sexuality is, yeah? 34:44 But that's my whole point. Teenagers will just do anything with anyone. Okay, I mean, grown men and women don't. Yes, I think if somebody... 34:53 This is where we're going to have to agree to disagree. 34:55 If a man wants to have sex with another man, then he is at least bisexual. It's exactly what being gay is. No, no, no, no. He tried it, it wasn't for him, and he moves on. If I wanted to have sex with a woman tonight, yeah, I would be gay. No, I don't agree with you. 35:12 Katie, what if you got to my age and never had sex with anybody? Ever. 35:18 What does that make you? 35:20 Yeah, exactly. And then you go out and decide you want to try gay sex and you try it and you say no. And then the following night you try it with a woman and you're a man and you loved it. So you can basically... 35:34 have known long before he had sex whether he was gay or not yeah okay let me ask you kieran then do you understand why this lady denise her head is in a spin basically now she's away on holidays now so she's a bit of time to to think about think about it think about it um and can you understand why her head is in a bit of a spin over something that happened before she even met him 35:56 no because I can understand I can understand how she would have a lot to think about but she has to have a conversation with him and say what does this mean about our future I don't care what somebody has done in the past to his credit yeah he was honest 100% and that's a big plus for me if she wants to walk away from him an honest man right I did say that that fair play to him he did come out and tell the truth you did if she wants to walk away from that she's going to end up lonely because she won't want to be with anyone who has a past. 36:32 I don't care what somebody has done in the past. It's absolutely irrelevant to me. What I want to know is how it's going to affect our future. 36:40 And this guy has said to Denise, I'm not gay, it's just something that happened. I don't think men just do it unless there's something there. She has accepted that she believes he's not gay. Exactly. 36:57 I don't believe that a man will bring himself to have sex with another man if there's not something there. Laura Bernadette Murray on Facebook says not really sex isn't everything for some people. There are asexual people out there. Yeah, no, there are, Laura, but we're not talking about asexual people. We're talking about people, men who want to have sex. If you are a bloke and you think to yourself, my God, I want to have sex with another man. 37:19 No, no, no, Katie. In this instance of the lads on a stag weekend, they didn't say to each other, oh, I'm dying to have sex with you. It just happened. 37:29 Yeah, it doesn't just happen. 37:30 Adrian, can I tell you something else? 37:33 Yeah, go on, Kieran, yeah. 37:34 Can I say something else? I gave an example on a voice message. I don't know if you heard it or not, but I was at a stag party recently where a man, a good friend of mine, had a sex act performed on him from underneath the table, right? Yeah. 37:50 Now, he found out later that was a man, right? Now, I said, did you enjoy it? And he said, yes, absolutely. But he's not gay. 37:58 No, no, absolutely. Even Adrian, you're smiling. No, no, no. Don't even. No. Hang on. The point he's making is a blowjob is a blowjob. 38:10 That's it. No. I guarantee you most of any straight man listening would say no, they'd rather forgo the blowjob than take it from a bloke. But he didn't. No. 38:17 No, no, no. But listen to it. He didn't know any different. 38:20 I can't even engage in this. Sorry, Ciarán. That is just the biggest crock I've ever heard in my life. That he enjoyed it. It's true. It's true. 38:26 Well, then he's lying about being gay. It's absolutely true. No, he said afterwards. 38:30 No, he went down the route afterwards saying, okay, it does make a difference. 38:35 I found out it was a man, but it was exactly the same thing. I still enjoyed it. 38:39 No, if you found out... Oh, Jesus Christ. If a man has sex with a man and enjoyed it, he is. He is gay. He is absolutely 100%. 38:47 It was this guy I didn't know. 38:50 This guy didn't know he was after getting a blowjob from another bloke. 38:53 And when he found out, he said, oh, yeah, well, I enjoyed it. He wasn't put off by it, whereas I'd say... Oh, so that makes him gay. I'd say the majority of men were like, oh, my fucking God, that's... I think the most men would be... I can't believe this conversation today. Amanda! Amanda! 39:09 Well, I actually can't believe... I actually can't believe how... 39:15 what's the word? How conservative you are about this. 39:17 This is enough podcast for me for today. 39:18 No, how conservative you are over an issue that, and this is Ciarán's point, people experiment now. End of. No biggie. Isn't that your point, Ciarán? 39:28 It is. Plus, look, my basic point is done in the past. It doesn't matter to me. My issue is, what are you going to be from now and the time that we're together? I don't care what they've done. I don't care if they've been in prison. 39:43 And again, to go back to Denise's point, they were having a conversation about moving their relationship on to the next level and he said, okay, I'm going to tell you everything and this is what happened before Christmas. You mightn't be happy with this and it turns out that she's not overly happy with it but it vindicates his decision You have to admire him. 40:04 That has to be the podcast line of the year. Sir, you know this person, Ciarán, do you? 40:08 Which person? 40:09 Who had took a blowjob from a man and then said he enjoyed it. 40:12 He was at the same stag party. I didn't know him. I knew he was a friend of a friend. 40:17 That has to be the line of the year. 40:19 It has to be, I'm telling you. 2026. A man who took a blowjob from a man and admitted to enjoying it but says he's not gay. 40:27 Yeah, he's not gay. 40:28 You're even smiling. You're such a shitser. I can see by your face. When he said that, you looked at me and I know by your face. 40:37 What my face told me, what my face should have told you is a blowjob is a blowjob and if you don't know who's giving it to you, if it's good, then happy days. 40:44 when you find out after. 40:45 It's over. Stay there for a second, Kieran. 40:47 The difference between men and women is unreal. Yeah, it is. It really is. Sarah, you're on Opinions Matter. 40:52 How are you, Sarah? How's it going? Good, thanks, Sarah. What did you want to say on this? 40:57 There's no way that I would get to see someone after that. There's not a hope in hell I'd get to see somebody after that. He's going to want it again. No, he said he doesn't. 41:05 It was a one-off. Yeah, Well, because he says it doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it. I gave the example earlier on that I smoked a few spliffs when I was younger. I didn't like them. It was an experiment. It's not the same thing. It is the same thing. It was an experiment. That is not the same thing at all. Hang on. Hang on. Am I a stoner today? No. Oh, what? It's not the same thing at all. It is the same thing. I experimented. 41:32 Let's do this then. You also had a few drinks and you love a pint. 41:36 Yeah. 41:36 So there you go. You went back to having more drinks after having one if you want to do that. You want to look at it that way. No, I don't get that. It's a bit different though. What I'm saying is it's a bit different. What exactly did he get done? A blowjob? 41:48 No, no, we don't know what happened. They did have sex and they fooled around, so I assume it was something like that. I don't know. 41:55 I'm laughing at the things that just came in, but this show is bonkers today. 42:01 Sorry, go on, Sarah. 42:01 There's no way on earth that he's not going to want to do that again. Next will come the thing of, oh, to want to have a threesome. 42:08 Sorry, Sarah. There's no way on God's earth I'm ever going to want to smoke a spliff again because it didn't do it for me. 42:14 It's not the same thing. It's like a woman being with a woman. 42:18 They know where to go with... So, Sarah, I'm between two lines today for the podcast. You know, when we're doing the podcast, when we edit it after, we like to make a line that grabs people. Yeah. Obviously, because we want people to listen to our podcast. So I'll be doing up this stuff after. And I'm stuck between two lines, yeah? Yeah. 42:34 So tell me, do I put Adrian myths to wanting to sleep with a man live on air? I didn't say that. No, I didn't say that. Well, you did kind of. No, I did not. You did. No, I did not. That's literally what I heard. What did you say? He said he'd be open to sleeping with a man. 42:47 No, that's not what I said. It's literally what you said. My exact words were, don't ever rule it out. That's what I said. 42:53 but I said would you ever and you said I would never rule it out don't ever rule it out means that you're open to it don't rule it out yeah don't rule it out nah nah and the other answer is Adrian says it doesn't matter who gives you a blowjob once it feels good well he didn't say that I'm stuck between one of those lines the second one the second one 43:13 I didn't say that either. The point I was trying to make, the point that I was trying to make and the point, Kieran, Kieran, you're still there. The point you're trying to make is that you can experiment. And like somebody messaged there, if you try a cigarette once and don't like it, it doesn't make you a smoker. 43:33 Sign number three. It's different, though. 43:36 It's not a kiss that he had with a man. Like, he had, like, let's just say he had an old cousin where he came or whatever. Like, it's not the same thing. Like, I kissed a girl actually at one of you guys' Christmas parties or a dresser party for Halloween. That got me and I'm gay. I've never, ever done it again. It'd be different, though, if a girl went down on me. I'd probably want it again. You know what I'm saying? 43:56 Kieran, what do you make of the attitude you're hearing here? 44:01 It comes down to debate. I mean, we're concentrating too much on sex and the way the podcast has gone, I don't blame everyone for leaving it at that. But the basic thing is they have to have a conversation about their future. I mean, he's done nothing wrong. He's done absolutely nothing wrong. He hasn't broken any laws. He may have broken her morals, but that's a conversation they need to have about their future. 44:26 He's done nothing wrong. He's done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing wrong. And if you're going to base a relationship on someone who's been very honest and, you know, and you're going to dump him for being honest and then you're going to be in trouble because everyone is entitled to a pass. 44:44 And Sarah, I want to go back to something you said a minute ago. Is that the new line, Casey? 44:49 Did I just hear what I think I heard you say? 44:55 I wanted you to give some competition for the other two lines you're taking from me. 45:00 I don't know where he's going saying that no wonder people are leaving the podcast. This podcast is thriving as fuck. 45:05 Yeah, well, there you go. 45:07 Sarah, I just want to make a reference to what you said a minute ago. And that was that you kissed somebody when you were younger. Yeah, but that's... 45:17 Somebody in the early 20s. Yeah, it was at one of your Halloween parties. Okay, that's fine. Which Halloween party was it? 45:25 Where were we? I think we were in the church. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was before I started working with the lads. 45:31 It was before you started working with the lads. But anyway, Sarah, a lot of people actually are messaging in to say a kiss is even more intimate than having raw, passionate sex. 45:44 It is a bit different than having someone's genitals in your mouth. It's completely different. 45:58 I remember speaking to a guy once who had gay sex with another man, but he wouldn't kiss him because he thought that was too intimate. 46:05 Well, that depends on the person. What's intimate, for one, is... 46:10 is, you know, run of the mill for the other. So we'd be here all day talking about that, you know, but your past is your past and that's it. If you can't leave somebody's past behind you, then you're going to have an issue because everyone has a past. 46:23 Absolutely. Stay with me for a second if you can, please, Ciarán. Our number is 085-825-2626. Let's bring in David on this. 46:32 I just want to give you my two cents on this topic today. I'm a gay lad and I just want to let you know that the amount of men that are on Grindr advertising as discreet or advertising as curious, that they are straight, they say, is astronomical. You guys have no idea the amount of so-called straight men that are out there floating around with women in relationships with kids that will jump on Grindr on a Friday night and look for no strings attached hookups. 47:00 It's actually astronomical. And I feel that somebody shouldn't even do a documentary or an investigative journalism into it because you can make a Netflix show out of it. It's actually astronomically hilarious. And it's actually become a running joke in the LGBT community that the amount of straight men that will so-called or so-called straight men that will go off with gay lads for one night stands you have no idea how widespread it is and it's a lot bigger than you guys think it is and this woman and husband or whoever it was is not the first and I can tell you from first-hand experience that any girls listening to this podcast today you better go home and double check with your partner because I would put my house on it that one in probably three men at least have done something with a man. 47:52 A lot of them won't admit it because it's all about pride. They won't admit it and they'll go to the grave with their secrets. But speaking from experience, I'm telling you, the amount of men that have done it is astronomical. Cheers, lads. 48:09 a daily podcast from Ireland about opinions. 48:12 I want to go back to David's message that we played a moment ago. Brilliant message, David. Thanks very much indeed. And basically what he's saying is none of us would actually realise or believe the amount of men who have had secret gay rendezvous with gay men. 48:27 Yeah, because they're gay or bisexual. 48:29 No, these are men, by his own admission, men that will take this to their graves with them because they won't admit it to anybody. 48:37 They want to face their gay thoughts. 48:39 No, they just experimented. They were just with men. 48:44 This conversation today is genuinely off the wall. Why do you have to be pigeonholed, by the way? Why do you have to be pigeonholed? Because to be intimate with somebody, I would think there needs to be a level of attraction. Not necessarily. 48:54 You've heard about men are beasts, men are animals. 48:57 Well, I could never, ever, ever, ever touch anybody I'm not into. Women are different. No way. 49:02 Women are different. Women are different. Men view sex as sex, a shag, a ride, whatever you want to call it. 49:08 Maybe women have higher standards. 49:09 Or somebody put it very succinctly earlier on, a hole is a hole when you're pissed. 49:14 Any hole is a goal, as they say, but I just think if you want to be with somebody of the same sex, then you've kind of got to admit that you're at least bisexual. 49:24 Ed, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Ed? Hello? Hello? Yes, come on. Ed, what did you want to say? 49:30 Yeah, so I'm, well, I'm obviously a man, but I'm one of the men that would be that, as it is discussing things, like if my woman dated a girl, even if it's not even dated, if it was a one-night stand, no, I wouldn't actually, like, I wouldn't even think about, oh, should I say this or not, it would be a bye-bye competition. So, sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, 49:54 I'm a little bit lost. What are you trying to say to me? If your girlfriend admitted that she had a one-night thing with another woman, what would your reaction be? I'd leave her. 50:03 You'd leave her? I'd leave her. You'd leave her? Yeah. Okay. I'd leave her. You're either gay or you're straight. Well, I know there are bisexual, but I wouldn't date someone bisexual. And according to your man that was... 50:18 That boyfriend, like he was saying like, oh, I'm not gay, but I had a shot with a man. You're either gay or non-gay, simple aspect. 50:24 Okay, so you believe that you should be pigeonholed. If you experiment with the same sex, that means you're gay, end of story. 50:32 Yeah, you know, you can't be, unless if you're bisexual, which is a thing, but you can't be straight and then admit that you're, oh, I had a shot with a man, but I'm not gay, I'm straight. 50:44 All right, I want to squeeze in a few more messages before we wrap this up. This is Colm. 50:50 I think there might need to be a little bit of humanity in there because he obviously trusts her and loves her so much that he wants to be completely honest, which is a very good characteristic to have. And also, he's only a young man. And when you're young, you know, things are different. You might want to try before you buy or you might want to, you just don't know. People think you're an adult when you're 18 in Ireland. You're not. 51:15 I think they should bring it up to 25. 51:18 Some people mature better than others, but definitely don't start making good choices until they're 25 years of age in my book. 51:29 But I feel bad on the man. He didn't do anything wrong. It's not like he robbed a bank or he has HIV or he used to be an intravenous drug user and now he's... 51:40 Telling her, would she get the ick then? He's recovered then. It's in his past, you know. So it's bound to be an interesting topic. But I do believe we should have a little bit of understanding and compassion for that young man. Because in this 2026, everything is throwing labels on it. And you're either in a box or you're outside a box. And I think he's done a brave thing by telling that woman. And I think she should really acknowledge that. 52:10 She wasn't with him at the time, so he didn't do anything on her. If anything, all he did was let her in on what keeps him up at night. 52:17 All right, and let me squeeze in one very final message from Jess. 52:21 This lad is so deep in the closet, he may as well be in Narnia with Aslan the Lan and the White Witch. fucking hell he's a closeted little fruitcake if you like sex or other sexual activities with the same sex you ain't straight you can't go around saying oh i'm straight doesn't matter if it's one night six months a year if you've dabbled you ain't straight anymore you're gay bye i just think you're a greedy little man whore then if you want to say that But you're not straight. You're far from it. 52:53 He's just a closeted little fruitcake. And Denise, dump him now. Send him a text message from the pool or wherever you're at saying, goodnight, God bless, don't want to know you. I want a real man who doesn't like to play hide the fucking sausage. 53:05 All right. Thanks very much indeed, Jess, for your message. 53:07 That's from a homosexual woman. 53:09 Yeah. Call him a fruitcake. No, she's basically saying he's gay and that's it. That's really what she's saying. He's gay and that's it. A lot of people don't agree, believe that you can experiment and not pigeonhole yourselves. I mean, that's the real point. 53:25 Just one final message, actually. Is this not the same as a person saying a gay person coming out when they are 20 or so? And before that, they've had sex with straight people before they came out. It happens a lot. A lot of gay girls I know have had sex with men in the past. Is it not the exact same thing? 53:44 No, I don't think it is. I don't think so. 53:47 Well, I think it is. It's the exact same thing. 53:50 Anyway, Denise, if you're taking advice from this podcast, the advice from most of our listeners is dump them, get rid of them. 53:58 No, it's not. Actually, the majority are saying the opposite. 54:02 Oh, okay, then keep them. 54:03 Read the room, Adrian, actually, if you could open your ears and listen to what's going on on the on-air broadcast. 54:07 Thank you for listening to this latest Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian and Katie. If you enjoyed it, please hit subscribe or follow. Click on the bell icon on Spotify and you'll be notified when we release another episode. 54:20 Looking to transform your home without breaking the bank? Visit Carpet Luxury Bedding and Furniture, Dublin's trusted family business with over 50 years of experience. Take advantage of their famous stairs and landing package deal. Just €500 supplied and fitted, including up to 16 square yards of quality carpet. Plus, discover fantastic deals on stylish laminate flooring, durable vinyl flooring, beds, mattresses and furniture for every room. With free measuring and sample services, finding your perfect floor has never been easier. 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